Hitting The Wall

Every so often, I find myself hitting a metaphorical wall. Things are going okay, and then bang! I collide head-first with a 10ft blockade that seems impossible to overcome. No matter what I try or how I look at it, I just can’t seem to find a way to move past it. I’m at a dead end, stuck in the shadows with no idea how to proceed. 

I hit the wall again recently. Things were going relatively well – new job, decent wage, nice new place to live – until suddenly, they weren’t. I’ve found myself frustrated at work, doing everything ‘right’ and yet never seeing any success. When I sit down to write, the words don’t flow. My attempts to eat well and stay healthy have dwindled to drinking a grande sugary drink from Starbucks every day and skipping breakfast to make up for it. 

I’ve hit the wall, and I’ve hit it hard. 

Though-out all of this, I’ve been battling with the overwhelming sense that I’ve veered off-path. Like I should be doing something else – finding success in another location – yet a complete lack of ideas and resources is stopping me from reaching the intended goal. Instead, I’m running in circles with a heavy feeling of dissatisfaction clinging to my aching shoulders. 

Late at night, when I’m finally in bed after a long day of sitting at a desk and trying to stay focused and enthusiastic, I find myself pondering exactly where I am in my journey and where I should go next. At the young and inexperienced age of 24, I already feel like a has-been; like somewhere along the line I missed my big chance and now I’m resigned to feeling empty until I die. 

Something is wrong, but I just don’t know what. I don’t know how to find the fulfilment I so desperately crave. 

I’ve always found a way to break down the wall. It can take a while, and sometimes I need an extra helping hand, but I’ve managed all the same. I’m sure that I’ll succeed again this time. In the meantime, I guess that I just need to ‘keep on keeping on’. 

Photo by Simon Watkinson on Unsplash

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